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Seventeen Candles/Transcript
OPENING SCENE At school, the HBICs pull up on Prada's pink Lexus her father got her for her birthday. PRADA: So bitches... Spill the tea. Is my super-sized exclusive birthday sleepover the most talked about event on this school? AMBER: Well... everyone's definetly talking about you. PRADA: Jesus Amber, are you mentally challenged? I was talking about my Sweet 17th, not about me! CAITLIN: I think she means that everyone is talking about YOUR sleepover. Caitlin gives Amber a look that reads as "are you serious?", and Amber shrugs her shoulders. PRADA: Great. You know, this is silly but... I kinda thought me being arrested because I may or may not have accidentally killed my fat ancient maid would make me, like... a social pariah, like when Johnny Erikson pooped his pants in the fourth grade... But I'm glad that's not the case. The HBICs walk into the school and everyone's eyes are drawn to Prada. People start whispering, laughing and gasping as the HBICs strut across the hallways, as Prada's confident smile turns into a look of shame. CAITLIN: Oh, just relax Prada! They're totally looking at your new bag... Is that Chanel? Prada stands in shock as she puts on her sunglasses. (INTRO) SCENE 1 In the school hallways, Olivia and Bradley are talking. BRADLEY: Dude, I know Ridley. She can't be the killer. OLIVIA: C'mon Bradley, I saw her taking Regina's phone in the lair. Don't you think that's the tiniest bit sketchy? BRADLEY: Well, I don't understand what we're doing going back to the Red Devil's lair. OLIVIA: For answers, duh! Prada walks over to them. PRADA: Hi whores. BRADLEY: What do you want? PRADA: Oh, I just wanted to let you know that I'm throwing a birthday sleepover at my house, and that neither of you are invited. BRADLEY: (laughs) Prada... Everyone at Bellwood High thinks you’re a serial killer. Who’s honestly going to go? PRADA: ALLEGEDLY! OK BITCH! ALLEGEDLY!... Besides, it’s pretty convenient you got kidnapped the night before the junior class election, isn’t it? BRADLEY: Are you being serious? PRADA: Whatever... I’m wasting my time talking to you bitches. BRADLEY: Proud to be off your kill count then. Prada walks away, sticking up her middle finger. BRADLEY: OK... I'll come with you to the lair. OLIVIA: Really? BRADLEY: Yeah, I wouldn't let you go back there alone... Plus I need to prove that Ridley's innocent. Ridley is in the girls' bathroom washing her hands when Amber walks in. AMBER: Ridley! I'm so glad I found you. RIDLEY: What is it? AMBER: Prada's inviting a bunch of no-names and people she tolerates to go to her birthday sleepover because everyone else thinks she's a serial killer. And you're on the guest list. RIDLEY: Oh! ...You know, I'm glad I found you too... I wanna ask you something. AMBER: Shoot. RIDLEY: Are you into me? AMBER: ...Kinda, yeah. RIDLEY: Oh! Ok. AMBER: What? RIDLEY: No, I just didn't... expect you to be so upfront about it. AMBER: But... I know it'd never work out between us anyways. RIDLEY: Why? AMBER: ...You wouldn't love the real me. RIDLEY: What are you talking about? AMBER: I can't tell you. She pauses. AMBER: Actually, sure I can tell you... But don't you dare tell anyone or I will stab you in your sleep. Amber cuddles her earmuffs. AMBER: My beautiful, designer earmuffs... I don't wear them for any reason... The truth is... Amber looks to see if anyone else is around, and then takes off her earmuffs, revealing she has elf ears. RIDLEY: Oh my god... I never knew... AMBER: No one does either. Well, Regina knew... Every time she saw me without them, she called me "Santa's Little Helper". I wear the earmuffs to hide my ugly, disgusting ears. It's kinda like being in the closet really. RIDLEY: Oh... Is this what Regina had on you? AMBER: Huh? RIDLEY: Regina kept a lot of dirt on us... Is that the dirt she had on you? AMBER: No... And that is much, much worse. RIDLEY: Oh. AMBER: What did Regina have against you? Ridley hesitates to answer and freaks out. RIDLEY: I... See you at the sleepover! Ridley runs off the bathroom as Amber cuddles her elf ears, before putting the earmuffs back on and the school bell rings. SCENE 2 At her house, Olivia is waiting for Bradley to arrive when Nancy walks in. NANCY: Where are you going? Olivia turns around to face her mother. OLIVIA: Oh! Um... Just going to the movies with Bradley. They both hear a car beeping outside. Olivia looks outside her window and sees Bradley waiting for her in her car. NANCY: ...Be safe. OLIVIA: Of course. Olivia leaves her house and enters Bradley's car. BRADLEY: So... You're ready? OLIVIA: Yeah. BRADLEY: What if... OLIVIA: ...What? BRADLEY: What if we find him there? Are you sure this is a good idea? OLIVIA: We have to figure out who the killer is regardless. BRADLEY: ...Fine. Bradley starts to drive off as Nancy watches them leave through the window. As the night starts setting in, Amber and Caitlin are reunited in Prada's kitchen. CAITLIN: Why do they call it "Baby Oil"... If it's not made out of babies... AMBER: ...You're right. Prada walks into the kitchen. PRADA: Gather 'round bitches... We have two hours until my birthday sleepover can properly start, and I wanna make sure EVERYTHING's perfect. Dinah walks into the kitchen. DINAH: Uhh, excuse me? I didn't hear about any birthday sleepover! PRADA: That's because you weren't invited. DINAH: Hold on... There's a serial killer on the loose and you're hosting a birthday sleepover! That's like... a serial killer free-for-all. PRADA: Well good thing you aren't going to be here when the killer strikes. DINAH: Excuse me? Are you kicking me out! PRADA: Just for the night... I know you live in a car and I am trying to be more charitable so it will look good on my Harvard application. DINAH: Don't you need someone to watch over this house? PRADA: Relax, if anything I'm saving you. Plus, if anything goes down, I'll use my party guests as human shields. Probably Caitlin. Caitlin looks at Prada, mortified. DINAH: I still don't think it's a good idea- PRADA: Bitch, I'll hand you a check of 20 million dollars if you leave for the night. How is that? DINAH: Bye y'all! Keep safe! Don't get murdered! Dinah leaves instantly. After a couple of seconds someone rings the doorbell. PRADA: Did she forget something... Prada opens the door and finds Chuck, Kyle and Landon outside. CHUCK: We brought beer. PRADA: You're a genius. You come into a party that's two hours early. CHUCK: Well, if you want to I can make up for the time. Prada eyerolls as the three guys enter. SCENE 3 Transition to a montage where Prada's guest start arriving. The doorbell rings and Ridley enters. RIDLEY: Hey. PRADA: Eugh. Soon, the doorbell rings again and it's Beth. PRADA: You've got the wrong address sweetie... The AA meeting is right across the street- Beth sighs and walks in anyways. BETH: You’re the serial killer bitch, right?... That’s hot. The doorbell rings yet again and it's Dorcus, who's holding a DVD box of the movie "Ghost". DORCUS: Hey! I brought a movie we can all watch! Prada closes the door on her, before eventually allowing her to walk in. As everyone is setting up in the living room, Prada reunites with the HBICs. PRADA: Why the hell did you invite those losers over there?! CAITLIN: Sorry Prada... No one wanted to go- I mean, no one could make it! They all think you’re a serial killer! PRADA: Goddammit! ...Lucky for you, you won't have to be my human shield anymore. Caitlin sighs in relief. PRADA: For now. Someone else rings the doorbell. AMBER: Who could it be? Everyone we invited has arrived. PRADA: It's probably Dinah again... Probably forgot her inhaler or taser. Prada goes to open the door and finds Blair outside. BLAIR: I heard you were having a party... And didn’t invite me. SCENE 4 In Prada's living room, the HBICs, Ridley, Beth, Dorcus, Blair, Chuck, Landon and Kyle are playing a game of Truth or Dare. PRADA: So... as the birthday girl... I get to ask everyone truth or dare! BETH: That's not how the game usually works- PRADA: NO ONE ASKED YOU ANYTHING! Prada regains her composure as Beth looks at her, intimidated. Ridley mouths "I'm sorry" to Beth. PRADA: Caitlin... Truth or dare? CAITLIN: Um... dare. PRADA: Are you the killer? CHUCK: Wait, what? CAITLIN: Prada... w-what are you talking about... I’m not the killer! Right, Landon? That’s insane. PRADA: LIAR! KYLE: Can’t we just play a normal game? PRADA: Sorry, but do I know you? The whole room goes silent. PRADA: Well... whatever... Amber, truth or dare? AMBER: Truth. PRADA: Who in this room do you have romantic feelings for? AMBER: Um... I have weird and sexy feelings for Ridley. Everyone's eyes turn straight to Ridley, who's surprised. RIDLEY: What? CHUCK: Hot! PRADA: Wasn’t expecting it to be that easy but... okay. Great... So, you’re a lesbian now? AMBER: No... I think I like both... So, maybe unisex? CHUCK: Um... I believe it’s bisexual. PRADA: Um... Are you seriously rubbing it in that you fucked a guy behind my back? AMBER: Okay... Sure, I’m bisexual... Yay! Suddenly they hear the sound of window smashing and female screams downstairs. KYLE: What the hell was that?! PRADA: Someone should go check it out... Beth, truth or dare? BETH: ...Truth? PRADA: No, pick dare. BETH: But I don't want to. PRADA: PICK DARE YOU INSUFFERABLE BITCH! BETH: ...Fine, geez, okay... Dare! PRADA: I dare you to go downstairs and check out what the hell is going on. BETH: What?! No! What if the killer is downstairs? PRADA: That doesn't really sound like my problem, does it? BETH: I... Fine... Beth reluctantly leaves the room. Prada's eyes land on Blair. PRADA: Blair, truth or dare? BLAIR: Dare. PRADA: I dare you to take off your wig. Everyone looks around as the tension builds. BLAIR: Why don't you make me take my wig off? Should be easy... Would you like some matches like last time? CHUCK: Um, what is she talking about? PRADA: Nothing! She's talking about nothing... She’s crazy! BLAIR: Yeah, Prada. Maybe you should keep your mouth shut. You wouldn't want me to expose your dirty laundry, would you. PRADA: Is that a threat?! BLAIR: Consider it a promise. DORCUS: OK, this game isn't fun anymore. PRADA: No, I agree... Let's have a dance party! Meanwhile, as music plays Beth walks down to the basement and finds multiple windows broken. BETH: Oh my god... Beth looks around the basement and sees no sign of the killer. She walks over to a bench press station and sees a recorder sitting on there. BETH: What the Hell? Beth picks up the recorder and it plays back the same screams. While Beth's distracted, the killer shows up behind her and drops a weight on her head, crushing her skull in one hit. She falls to her death immediately. The Red Devil then walks away. Meanwhile, Dorcus is looking through the rooms. DORCUS: Beth? Beth? Are you in here? Dorcus walks past one of the rooms to find an old arts room. DORCUS: Oh my God... Dorcus finds a tarp covering a large machine. She takes off the tarp and it reveals to be a pottery wheel. DORCUS: Holy mother Demi Moore, yes! Dorcus closes the door and starts working on the pottery wheel, when the door slowly opens. The Red Devil walks behind her, as Dorcus is easily distracted working on the pottery wheel. Suddenly the Red Devil grabs her head and forces it onto the clay, making her suffocate. Dorcus tries to scream for help, but her screams are muffled by the clay, and the music playing outside. Before Dorcus can suffocate however, the Red Devil lifts her head up, giving her time to breathe. DORCUS: This... is not... how Ghost ends... As she says her final words, the Red Devil snaps her neck, killing Dorcus instantly. The scene transitions, as the HBICs, Chuck and Landon discover Dorcus’ body. AMBER: Why do you have this room in your house? PRADA: Sometimes my mom goes through phases when she’s drunk. They hear a scream and go follow to discover Blair, Ridley and Kyle down the basement with Beth’s body. CHUCK: What’s going on? BLAIR: I came down here to see if Beth wanted a glass of wat- AMBER: Oh my God... Her brains are out of her head. CAITLIN: That’s just nasty. PRADA: Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? The killer is Blair! BLAIR: Excuse me? PRADA: You heard me, slut!... This is your one chance to ruin my party and what better way to do that than by killing off my most irrelevant guests. RIDLEY: This isn’t the time, Prada!... We should call the cops! BLAIR: Why bother when we have the killer right here! PRADA: Yeah... Because I’m looking at her! BLAIR: You know I meant you, right?... Prada, you’re a killer and a psycho! PRADA: Do you want to say that to my face, bitch? KYLE: Look, Ridley’s right!... We should call the cops. PRADA: I’ve got a better idea!... How about I prove that Blair is the killer... Or Caitlin. CAITLIN: What? PRADA: I’m sorry, Cait... But you’re a sociopath and I can’t take any chances... So, we should split up, and I volunteer to go with Chuck and we can play seven minutes in heaven while the rest of you come up with clues. KYLE: Right... I’m confused! Can’t we just call the police? PRADA: This is my birthday, and I’ll make the decisions!... So, move! SCENE 5 Meanwhile, Ridley, Amber and Kyle are searching for clues. RIDLEY: What are we looking for exactly? KYLE: A guy in a Red Devil costume. RIDLEY: Yeah... But it seems like a job for cops. KYLE: Are you freaking out? Kyle walks up to Ridley. KYLE: Don’t you think this is kinda hot? RIDLEY: What?... No! Kyle holds Ridley’s face. KYLE: Don’t worry I’ll protect you! Amber eye-rolls and Ridley storms away. KYLE: Ridley! RIDLEY: Leave me alone, Kyle! Ridley storms into a bedroom and Amber soon follows her. AMBER: Ridley, I'm so sorry- RIDLEY: Are you? Are you really? Cause it looks to me like you just willingly confessed to everyone in that room that you had quote on quote "weird and sexy feelings for me"! AMBER: Why are you so mad... It's not like I outed you. RIDLEY: But it kinda is. Ridley sighs. RIDLEY: Look... I'm not ready to be out of the closet. I'm sorry but... If my mom found out I was a... you know... AMBER: You can't even say it. Listen, Ridley, I do have feelings for you... And in P.E. I might have been checking out your bod after class... But I won't date someone who's still in the closet. The two pause. AMBER: We should go back. Don't want them to suspect we're diddling each other or something. Amber goes back in the room and Ridley soon follows. SCENE 6 In Prada's closet, Chuck and Prada are playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. CHUCK: I know I'm not perfect... And I DEFINETLY know you're not perfect. But... Prada... Will you take me back? PRADA: AWW CHUCK! YES! YES! Prada hugs Chuck as they start to make out intensely, when Prada starts overhearing Caitlin from the other room. CAITLIN: ...So what if I had sex with Chuck? I had sex with you and Brandon at the same time and you didn't mind... Prada tries to stop making out but Chuck holds her tighter, to distract her. CAITLIN: ...And yes I did get a UTI from having too much sex... Prada stops making out with Chuck and slaps him, storming off the closet. CAITLIN: Oh! Hi Prada! PRADA: YOU BITCH! Prada slaps Caitlin. PRADA: You know, just because you're jealous me and Amber go off on dates while you go off your meds, doesn't mean you have the right to steal Chuck from me! Prada storms off as Chuck leaves the closet. Caitlin smugly enters the closet with Landon. LANDON: Why are you so happy? CAITLIN: Because Prada deserves it. LANDON: Do I deserve this? CAITLIN: Ugh Landon! What's the big deal! LANDON: I don't like sharing you with other men! CAITLIN: I've been having an affair with you and your now deceased brother for months now, why are you suddenly so butthurt about this? LANDON: Because... Brandon and I used to ALWAYS share everything. We shared food, beds, clothes, toys, friends... As Landon explains this, the Red Devil reveals himself to Caitlin, holding a power drill. CAITLIN: Landon... LANDON: No! Let me finish, OK! You know... I have to thank that Red Devil guy... Now that Brandon's dead, I can finally live my life the way I want to! ...And I wanna live every last second with you, until I die! CAITLIN: THE KILLER'S BEHIND YOU! LANDON: Wha- The Red Devil turns on the power drill and drills Landon through the ear. CAITLIN: (SCREAM) As soon as Landon's corpse falls, the Red Devil signals Caitlin to shut up, and soon leaves the closet. SCENE 7 Bradley and Olivia are down the Red Devil lair. BRADLEY: Why is it darker in here than before? OLIVIA: The town turned the electricity off... Luckily, I came prepared. Olivia pulls out a flashlight. BRADLEY: Um... Same. Bradley uses the flashlight on her phone. BRADLEY: Why haven’t the police searched this place yet? OLIVIA: I don’t know. But at least most of this remains intact. BRADLEY: True. OLIVIA: Well... Almost everything isn’t touched. The Iron Maiden isn’t here anymore. A glass bottle smashes. BRADLEY: Shit! Did you hear that? OLIVIA: No. Olivia looks around the lair and finds a flash drive on the desk and puts it in her pocket. BRADLEY: Olivia... I don’t like it here! I think we should leave. OLIVIA: Okay, fine. As Olivia and Bradley leave the lights in the tunnel light up as they both look at each other, confused before the Red Devil appears from behind them with two axes. OLIVIA: (scream) BRADLEY: Run, bitch! Bradley and Olivia run to the escape hatch but it’s locked. OLIVIA: Oh no! It’s locked. Olivia and Bradley keep trying to push it open as the Red Devil nears closer to them, scraping his axes on the walls. BRADLEY: Fuck!... Give me your flashlight! OLIVIA: Why? Olivia hands Bradley her flashlight who uses it to bash at the door to open it but turns around to realize that the Red Devil is getting very close. OLIVIA: It’s not working! What do we do? Bradley throws the flashlight at the Red Devil, which hits him in the head and knocks him out. OLIVIA: Nice throw- Suddenly, the doors up as it’s shown that Sheriff Hudson OLIVIA & BRADLEY: (scream) DEREK: Girls! Calm down... Olivia, your mother asked me to follow you and it’s a good thing too. What are you both doing here? OLIVIA: The Red Devil. They turn around to see that the Red Devil is gone. SCENE 8 In Prada’s living room... PRADA: GET THE FUCK OUT! ALL OF YOU! RIDLEY: Prada... Calm down! PRADA: EXCUSE ME! HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN?! I JUST FOUND OUT MY COMPULSIVE CHEATING BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY MOST DISGUSTING MINION, MY BIRTHDAY'S GONE TO SHIT BECAUSE THERE'S A KILLER ON THE LOOSE KILLING EVERYONE, AND EVERYONE AT SCHOOL THINKS IT'S ME JUST BECAUSE I ALLEGEDLY KILLED SOMEONE BY ACCIDENT! I'm way too depressed to be dealing with ANY of you sluts now. CAITLIN: Prada, I understand that you're angry and all... But what about the killer, we don't know if he's still in the house?! PRADA: Well, Caitlin... Maybe if you're lucky, he will kill me and you will take my place... I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you? She pauses. PRADA: But of course, I'm not worried because I believe the minute I kick all of you out I'll be kicking out the killer... My money is on Caitlin because she is a sociopath who DOES NOT understand that I'm in pain! Or it's probably Blair! Nice costume choice, a change of pace after your raggedy hats! BLAIR: Whatever... I'm leaving. Blair storms off the house, and everyone soon follows. After everyone's gone, Prada enters her kitchen. She walks in, defeated, and grabs her birthday cake from the refrigerator. PRADA: Fuck... everyone... Prada reaches out to grab a slice of the cake, almost as if she's scared to touch the cake. Regardless, she eats a slice of the cake, and suddenly begins to purge. In a flashback, it's revealed that Prada confronted Regina the night she died. PRADA: I hate you! REGINA: Why, because I made you skinnier, prettier... Better? PRADA: I asked you to help me, but not like this. I don't want to be your friend anymore. REGINA: And after everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me... Bitch, I own you now... Do you honestly think your hot new boyfriend, Chuck would want to hang out with you when he finds out that your literally unstable. PRADA: Fuck you! Prada begins to walk away. REGINA: Face facts, Prada. This is the real you, I just gave you a little push into the right direction. In the present day, Prada runs out of the kitchen into the bathroom, as she begins to throw up. FINAL SCENE Bradley and Olivia are on Olivia's bedroom, talking about the events at the Red Devil's lair. BRADLEY: That was a close call if I've ever seen one. I'm just glad we survived. OLIVIA: Well... I don't think it was for nothing. Olivia pulls out a pen drive from her pocket. OLIVIA: I found this at the lair. BRADLEY: We have to find out what's inside. OLIVIA: ...Are you sure? BRADLEY: Of course! Why would we not? OLIVIA: True... Olivia puts the pen drive on her computer when suddenly a virus starts uploading. OLIVIA: What the hell?! BRADLEY: Make it stop! The virus finishes uploading and suddenly they are redirected to a YouTube video. OLIVIA: Huh... The video automatically plays as Olivia and Bradley start to notice it's a video of Ridley and Tina making out. BRADLEY: Oh my God... Is that- OLIVIA: Ridley... BRADLEY: Holy shit... (END) Category:Transcripts Category:Transcripts (Slasher) Category:Season 1 (Slasher)